


I didn't want him to be a hero.

by mootoon



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4854368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mootoon/pseuds/mootoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caitlin offers Iris her support.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I didn't want him to be a hero.

"Oh! Hey, Caitlin!" Cisco leapt up from his seat with a wide grin on his face. It was slightly jarring, the abruptness with which he was able to switch from the sober expression he had had while sitting with Iris on the West's couch, staring at the mug in his hand while they sat in silence, pretending to watch mindless reality television while Iris tried to numb her thoughts. "Wha... um... I thought your flight was _today_! What happened?"

Right, yes, the honeymoon. Iris glanced up briefly at the figure in her doorway before ducking her head and blinking rapidly at the tea in her hands. She knew it was wrong, but a wildfire of jealousy surged through her just looking at Caitlin. Eddie was dead. He was just going to propose and now he was dead. And gone. They couldn't even find the body. And here was Caitlin, recently married, her husband still intact and off on an all-expenses paid honeymoon courtesy of Professor Stein. It wasn't a competition... but it sure felt like she had drawn the short stick. And she sure wasn't interested in seeing that 'could have been' up in her face right now.

She looked up again briefly to see Caitlin giving Cisco a motherly and slightly worried smile. "Hi, Cisco. I'll be going to the airport in an hour. But..." she leaned forward awkwardly, "I'm actually here to see Iris. Would you mind giving us a moment?"

"Oh! Yeah! Sure, that's fine. Yeah. That's great! Joe asked me to help him out, you know, while I'm here. Fix some stuff around the house. Pipes, electricals... you know. Things." 

"Thanks so much, Cisco," said Caitlin, and while Cisco backed hurriedly out of the room, she took a seat, perching on the edge of the couch next to Iris. "Hi."

"What do you want?" Hearing the tone in her own voice, Iris took a deep breath and reminded herself to remain calm. Caitlin probably wasn't _trying_ to rub her happiness in Iris' face. She put on as good of a smile as she could. "I'm sorry. I mean... you're here to see me?"

Caitlin took a deep breath of her own. "Yes. I... I know we don't know each other very well. But I also know what you're going through. And I wanted to let you know that I am here for you. If you ever need to talk, if you ever need any advice... I'm here for you. What's happened to you is awful and it must be so so hard. But I've been there and if there's any way that I can help you or give you hope, I want you to know that I'll be there."

There were too many things wrong with that statement, Iris hardly knew where to start. She'll be here for her? She's going away to Tahiti. How is that _here_? "Caitlin. Advice? Hope? What hope? There is no _hope_. I can't believe you'd even _suggest_ that Eddie is coming back when we saw him die in front of our eyes! How could you belittle his sacrifice like that? Just because by some _miracle_ things turned out differently for..."

"Iris, no, that's not what I meant at all!" Caitlin looked stricken. And Iris had to take a deep breath again. "You're situation is totally different and I get that. I was so lucky to get Ronnie back and I know it. I am so grateful for that every day! And I am so so sorry that Eddie has been taken from you."

Iris closed her eyes. "I shouldn't have snapped at you." She sighed. "My emotions are going haywire these days. Sometimes I just don't know..." Caitlin placed a hand on her knee. Iris opened her eyes again and for the first time, met Caitlin's. "I don't want to belittle your experiences either. You genuinely thought your fiance was dead for months." Caitlin nodded. They sat in silence for a while, and strangely it wasn't strained. Iris could feel a blanket of calm settle over her. She knew it was only a small reprieve from the grief and storm that had entered her life since Eddie died, but even this short pause of companionship meant the world to her. Who would have thought a few months ago that Barry's "science friends" would become such an integral part of her life? 

Iris looked up at her new friend. "...Does it ever end?"

"The pain? The loss?" Caitlin contemplated that for a while. "No. I don't think it every truly goes away. You loved him and you always will. But one day, you won't be thinking about him every second. One day, you'll be back at work and sometimes, the whole day will pass before he passes through your mind. One day, you won't have this devastating hole inside of you. And you've got to know... _that's okay, Iris_. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Eddie would want you to be happy and to move on. But right now? Maybe right now you feel overwhelmed. Maybe right now you feel consumed by this. And that's okay too."

"It's just..." A few tears began their path down Iris' face. "Everyone keeps telling me how amazing he was. What a good thing he did. That he was such a hero. But..."

"But I didn't want him to be a hero. I wanted him to be my husband." Caitlin smiled, and brushed the stray tears from Iris' face. "And it's okay to feel like that, too." 

Iris allowed herself a tentative smile. Things weren't going to get better overnight, but if she let this friend into her life? Maybe it would be a little easier.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not very happy with this one (there are much better Caitlin&Iris friendship fics out there... check them out!) but I thought I needed to write something! Coz the only way I can get better is by practicing, right? 
> 
> It probably seems like I dislike Iris because I made her snap at Caitlin. That's not true, I like Iris! But to be honest, I can totally imagine Iris getting a little out-bursty when she's feeling confused and angry and sad and this crazy mix of emotions. That's something that Iris sometimes does. And is that so wrong? It's okay for her to feel a little out-of-control when her boyfriend has just died. (Also, I'm laughing at the amount of 'so's I put in Caitlin's dialogue. Does she normally say 'so' that often? Idk.)


End file.
